This week’s post is slightly different. I’m going to talk about the reason I didn’t go to university, or college for that matter!
I was homeschooled up until the age of thirteen, when I decided to go into high school (I know, biggest mistake of my life). I went in and felt like I was in some sort of chick flick. It was full of bitchy girls, some of whom were supposed to be my “friends” who insisted on being nasty pieces of work.
I had anxiety before going into school but it was nothing major. Then the panic attacks started in class. I needed to get out. I raised my hand in class and asked to leave the room, however, I couldn’t get up from my seat, I was too petrified with everyone looking at me.
This awful ginger headed girl who’s name escapes me (school bully) put her hand up and offered to take me to the nurse (so she could get out of class). So I was taken to the nurse who passed my anxiety attack off as needing something to eat so she basically watched me force feed myself. My mum was called and I was taken home. I never went back.
That’s when it all started. The panic attacks eventually led to me not being able to go out by myself. I was at college one day a week at the time studying a BTEC in animal care for teens aged 14-16. Something that I found exciting turned into a dreaded nightmare. I hated it. I couldn’t go anymore. I couldn’t see my friends or the animals I cared for. I was a shell of the person I used to be. I never really got back to who I was. I just reinvented myself.
I managed to get through my GCSEs on my own without any teachers, just myself. I had panic attacks in the exams but even with that I managed to get a B in the most important subject to me: English. I’m really proud of myself for getting through that year in my life.
I didn’t go to university partly because I didn’t have the qualifications, but I also wanted to just work. I wanted to start off a career straight away because I knew I wanted to save for a future with my partner.
I managed to get a traineeship with a digital media agency and after three horrendous years in so many different jobs, I’m now a freelance social media manager. I’m living with my partner and we’re saving for our very own place. I’m excited about the future. I didn’t think I’d get this far.
I just want to say, if you’re struggling, let this be your sign to keep going. I did. Vee x