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Stop-gap trap - 5 signs and 4 tips to escape from it
After a separation many people tend to do this a little deflection to search. That could be loving conversations and exciting activities with friends or new projects and hobbies. All of these things are perfect for yourself distract from the heartache. There are also those who maneuver directly into the next love affair, although they have not yet processed the pain of the last breakup. When you meet such a person, you often find yourself as Stopgap again. On these 5 things make you realize that you are just a placeholder. And of course we will also tell you how to get out of aGet rid of the stopgap relationship.
Why we look for stopgaps
A painful separation - Most of us have had to experience this before. When a relationship breaks up, it is usually not associated with good feelings and memories. We feel hurt, lonely, and maybe even a little disappointed that the relationship just didn't work out. Whose heart aches, that needs distraction. Clear! And it can look very different. Sometimes a warm cup of tea, the cozy feeling of the hot water bottle and a good film are enough. Sometimes we need action, meet up with friends or look for new tasks and projects. It's just stupid if the "project" is a new love affair is. Because if you jump straight into a new relationship after a separation that has not yet been processed, you run the risk of not only that Hurting the other person's feelings, but unfortunately you also lie to yourself. Not a good basis for a relationship. Because openness and sincere feelings are the be-all and end-all for a functioning partnership.
5 signs you're just a stopgap
1.They are the consolation
You have the feeling that there are three of you in this relationship, not two, because the other person keeps talking about the ex-relationship. Probably he is the abandoned one / she is the abandoned one and still mourns the last relationship quite a bit. Your partner cannot stop talking about past experiences with the ex-relationship or even starts to compare. Again and again people try to analyze why the relationship broke up and you feel like you are only one shoulder to cry on.
2. The exciting change
It often happens that in a relationship the Pleasure or attraction flutes. This is particularly often the case when the relationship has been going on for a bit longer and needs or Feelings are not communicated on a regular basis. Then, for example, topics such as sex or a lack of attention can be addressed Continuous dispute become. If it comes to a separation, some people look for one sparkling pastime. That makes you feel like yourself act out sexually to be able to enjoy being wanted, loved and attractive. These things are indications they're just making an exciting change:
- Their relationship is mostly limited to physical and in-depth conversations rarely materialize
- When compliments have been given to you, they usually only relate to your appearance.
- Their relationship seems to be very superficial in general.
3.The stopgap ego push
This kind of stopgap existence is particularly fatal as this is all about it confirm the other person. Your counterpart enjoys the full attention you give him. In general, it's pretty much a one-sided type of relationship, because what you will notice is that he / she talks a lot about himself and you are right in return little listens. He / she doesn't seem to be very interested in your life and is acting inattentive or distracted when it comes to you.
4. Your counterpart cannot be alone
People are very social beings and one of our main needs is Proximity and social contact. Because if you experience a lot of affection, you release the "cuddle hormone" oxytocin. That promotes our Wellbeing, makes us more sensitive, more approachable and happier. So it's no wonder that we don't want to miss this feeling. However, you should be careful as soon as you feel that the main reason for togetherness is that the other person per se cannot cope alone. Often that happens when you've just come out of a very long relationship and Has "forgotten" how to spend time with himself.
5. The delay technique
Who just broke up may be not immediately ready to enter into a new committed relationship. That is perfectly fine, but still no reason to leave someone fidgeting and ignorant. You can tell by these things that you are only being held:
- He / she shies away from commitments and plans that lie in the future
- You don't know any friends or relatives
- He / She avoids conversations in which they talk about their "status"
Get out of the stopgap trap - with these 4 tips it works
But what to do when you find yourself in the situation of a stopgap?
First of all, it is important that you have one Open Talk looking with their counterpart. It is best not to bring the subject up in a dispute or between the two sides. Pick a quiet and relaxed moment and try this quite emotional topic to discuss calmly and impartially.
2. Share your needs and feelings
Discussing a topic impartially does not mean putting yourself and your own feelings aside. Share what you are looking for in a working partnership want and need.
3. Be sincere
Now is not the time to downplay feelings. Be sincere and direct. Sometimes it takes a little courage to share with the other person what you are really feeling. But exactly this transparency is important to properly assess the situation and if necessary Draw conclusions from it to be able to.
4. Make a decision
Despite the long discussions, don't you feel that this relationship is a serious future that you would be happy in? Then you should make a decision urgently and promptly and the End relationship if necessary. Even if it is hard!
Conclusion: A stopgap relationship has no long-term future
Anyone who notices that they are in a stopgap relationship should urgently seek a conversation and, if in doubt, always decide for themselves. Because just being a placeholder or a pastime is not a basis on which a healthy and long-term relationship can be built.
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