How do I flirt with younger guys

Women over 40: Flirting with a younger man - can I still do that?

Early 40s and married: Our author wonders why she is suddenly embarrassed to flirt a little. Especially with younger guys.

I recently had an experience that changed my life. I was in a bar and a man in his mid-twenties started a conversation with me. Not only was he 15 years younger than me, he was also extremely attractive. Big, dark eyes, very full curly hair. Had I been unbound and 23, I would have wanted to marry him right away.

But all of this could have been very nice even without a romantic outlook, if I hadn't reacted like a wrongly programmed robot. To each of his questions - and they were really not very complicated - I answered with a staccato "yes" or "no". I looked at the counter and got a red pear. That couldn't have been very charming, it didn't make me feel particularly attractive either.

What did this young guy want from me?

In fact, I was primarily irritated. What did this man want from me? Didn't he see how old I was? The last time a similarly handsome young man approached me, he asked the questions: "Can you tell me which subway I have to take to the town hall?" He had probably chosen me because I seemed somehow competent when it came to subway plans, not because I was such a hot sweeper and he had amorous intentions. At least the one at the bar said "You".

My first thought was that he was talking to me safely because my adorable, beautiful friend Jana, who was sitting next to me, loved it. When he went to the toilet, I slipped out: "Why is he talking to me? Doesn't he see how old I am? Does he want something from you?" To which she replied very dryly: "No, he obviously only has eyes for you, Linda! And he doesn't understand at all how old we are." I could hardly believe the first, the second I was sure that it wasn't true. But then he came back and asked if we would move on, whereupon a horrified: "Today? It's Thursday - and 11 pm!" escaped. That wasn't cool.

To calm down, I first had to light a cigarette, couldn't find the fire, the young man wanted to give me some, the flame went out, then I drew and had to cough. It's somehow different to sovereign, I wanted to sink into the ground with shame. My head glowed red. Fortunately, it was dark in this bar.

What was the matter with me?

I used to be not so tense, I just laughed and chopped out funny sayings and found nothing. Since when have I been so insecure? Why had I forgotten how to flirt? Was that a midlife crisis? Also, why was I so sure that a young man would not care about me? I had only recently read that younger guys like older women.

In fact, the man who briefly captured my heart paid - and came back to me on his way to the door. When he put his hand on my arm, my heart almost stopped. He said "bye", took his hand away again and left. That’s it.

When I got home I told my husband everything. Because I felt guilty about my unchaste thoughts and also because I was a little proud. He laughed and kissed me and somehow I was glad that I didn't have to go out to meet someone. Obviously I wasn't very good at it anymore.

I am practicing now

Since that evening at the bar, I've made up my mind to dare myself more. To practice flirting again a little too. After all, it's fun, trains and doesn't harm anyone. But I'm also very scared to see the young guy again who made me feel for two minutes that I am super young and super attractive. I still fear that I was wrong, that he doesn't recognize me and that it was all an illusion. Because the way the story is in my head now, I like it much better.