Do you stop studying at 25?

25 things you should be doing now that you are 25

As we explained to you earlier, 25 is an insane age. In theory, you're still young — you're still an idiot, you're still wearing skinny jeans, and it is acceptable to spend Sunday in bed with pizzas — but you're far from young, either. Maybe you spotted a gray hair. Maybe you have a wrinkle. Maybe you make a very subtle, very quiet noise when you get up from the sofa. Either way: death is closer than ever. Do you hear that sound That soft, pulsating, nagging sound? It's the sound of oblivion and you're staring right in her face.

But wait, it's not all bad. Even when your body ages and your mind has got to the point where you dance in the club and think, “What the fuck is that? What the SHIT is that? I refuse to dance to this song. This is not music, it is just Sounds"- it's not all bad. It is true that you mourn the first lost times in your youth - the first cigarette, the first fight, the first coitus - but it would be completely illogical to think that growing up has nothing new to offer And while no one will commission a whole series of articles about initial ironing experiences, the milder novelties of your late twenties will fill in the gray areas of a life that has probably felt more like a series of stun grenade explosions in a club than a meaningful journey .

Here are 25 things that will start to enjoy you when you hit the concrete wall of 25.

1) Get a grip on your finances

Hey kids Here is your papa and today we are going to talk about why it is sometimes cheaper to take out a loan to pay off your debts than to live with the overdrawn account and pay monthly overdraft interest. Later, I'll teach you the fine art of "actually opening bank statements to see if there's any shit going on", and after that we'll carefully watch a few TV commercials for current accounts to see if it makes sense for you to switch Then, to end the day worthily, we're going to have a serious conversation about not owing loyalty to your bank just because you had a student account with your recently-expired youth train ticket — doesn't that sound like that Well, not: It sounds and is deeply boring, but the peace of mind that follows from the above dreary exertions can be damn exhilarating. Getting your finances under control is a lot more fun than on Receiving a text message from his bank on the second of the month saying that you have exhausted your overdraft facility.

2) Decide which friends to have memories with

At 25 you are about three years away from the never-ending summer that I like to call "the summer in which every idiot you know gets married": a summer of verandas, of not scolding elderly aunts and the realization that Secret coke in the company of toddlers is not a good idea. It will be a double-edged sword for you to be surrounded by all this kindness and love, because look at yourself: you are doomed to be alone.

Alone except for your friends, of course. At 25, you're tackling two groups of friends: the spongy group of morons that you grew up with at school and actually adult friends that you actually see and go to bars with every week. You now have a job and things to do — you have weddings to attend and you think about banks, and now that a quarter of your life has been flushed down the toilet, your time is finite and precious. Do you really have to have such a good relationship with the guy you lived with at college? This buddy who once beat you up at school but now gives you a ten percent discount when he repairs your car: do you really need him? Those girls who drop you the moment they have a boyfriend don't really have to be in the top league, do they?

The way I see it, the old people's homes of the distant, spacey-floating future, in which we are all composting towards death, will just be that hammer: PlayStations, slutdropping, a kind of inherent ironic estimate for our shared suffering that leads to us laughing at each other damned branch while producing vines from the dying of other vines. When I'm locked in the iron lungs that will inevitably become my grave, I want to laugh and crack jokes with my friends - the real friends whose company is effortless - and think back to the cool stuff we have in ours Made twenties. So choose them now, and creates memories.

In my early twenties — before I became the walking, plaintive risk of diabetes — I thought it was the dullest thing in the universe for adults to take up a new hobby through continuing education courses. What, you wanna learn something? In your freetime? Streeeeber.

But now I get it: I haven't learned anything new for a long time, and it's fun to learn things according to your own ideas without being given lectures from a curriculum. And here's another thing I spend every second of my fucking day on: staring at a screen. So, of course I want to learn how to climb and collect butterflies and play badminton and all that. Every hour of my life that I don't spend on Twitter increases my chances of maybe one day being happy.

4) Listen to your parents

You're an adult now, and since they can't put a curfew on you or read the riot act on you to smoke, your parents become increasingly irrelevant: a place to go when you want to have a roast, two old people who like a little you look and keep calling to ask if you have eaten your veggies and made friends. And yes: Your dad may be a bit boring on the surface ("There are two things I like, son and / or daughter, and that's watching Formula 1 and thinking about Formula 1"), but try to get him in Get the bar and watch how entertaining he is after three beers. Not only is he likely to be brimming with stories of how he screwed before meeting your mom, but he'll also have plenty of wise, maudlin advice; he'll understand er your world of Netflix, flash mobs and USB sticks, so you will feel younger afterwards. Get to know your parents. They are way cooler than you think.

(Unless they're dead.)

5) Develop basic home improvement skills

Do you know how the lights in your apartment keep going off? Do you also know that you can fix it yourself without having to call the landlord? You just change the lightbulbs. Or renew a fuse, which just means replacing two little things that you can get in the shop on the corner. Assembling self-assembly furniture without putting a shelf upside down is so fulfilling that it may bring you closer to enlightenment — harp strumming and angels singing as you place a flowerpot on a side table without it collapsing and going up in flames .

6) Damn it, do something you always wanted to do

I've always wanted to go to New York. "I've always wanted to go to New York," I tell people, wistfully, mostly when they just come back from New York. Do you know what a humble and shitty dream that is? I could do it right now. I could now Drive to an airport and tackle it. It would probably cost around 2,000 euros in total, and that includes an excessive amount of pocket money for all the bagels I'm going to eat. If you've always wanted to do something, fuck everything and do it. You're 25. Who should stop you?

7) Being the coolest uncle or aunt that a person can be

You may even have given birth to a human being from your own body or someone else's body. If so, congratulations on being responsible for every remaining second of your life. If not, just find the next best younger cousin or little nephew or something and be the absolutely coolest uncle or aunt you can be. Oh, that's it, dad won't buy you Lego because you got a whole bunch for Christmas? Then guess who just bought you Lego, kid. What, your mama doesn't want to be with you Mario kart play because she's too busy doing whatever it takes to keep you alive? Then guess who's going to put you down with Bowser on Koopa Troopa Beach, loser. The goal is to get the child to like you more than the parents themselves and to pull away if they start crying or shitting or doing anything that adults need to take care of.

8) Do something with your weekends

Netflix is ​​a bit like heroin when heroin barely moves with the ability to do all seven seasons of The West Wing to look, would combine. The fact that Netflix said, “Are you still there? You have 100 episodes Prison Break viewed in a row and there are not even that many episodes, so you apparently looked around and programmed some "-feature" says it all: soon the streaming provider will inform the authorities about your death when you are 60 Hours The Office: An American Workplace be registered.

It's easy to spend a weekend Battlestar Galactica to lose, and then another, and soon you say, "No, no, can't go - I'm going to have a season finale," and then your friends stop calling, and then five years away, people will mention your name and ask, what has become of you, and they'll say, "Oh, you know. Just got totally boring." That can't happen, and it's your weekends that it gets you. Visit art galleries. Go hiking. Go anywhere, as long as you can't let your repulsive, unwashed genitals hang out there like crushed ham.

9) Learn to cook at least one decent meal

Speaking of ham, if you can cook exactly one meal that deserves 8 out of 10, you can make people want to sleep with you. (If you're handsome, you can get away with this meal being a 7 out of 10 — a decent steak or stir-fry that wasn't made with leftover burger.) Here's how it works: invite the person over, open a bottle Wine, cook something like pate or a tajine or guacamole in front of them with sweeping movements - or apple crumble: Apple sprinkles make people want to sleep with you- and then just have sex with them right afterwards. Watching someone turn a bunch of boiling apples, butter, and oats into a delicious crumble cake is a natural human reaction to wanting to fuck off.

Beer chicken is good because you have to drink a little beer beforehand. Photo: Jamie McCaffrey | Flickr | CC BY 2.0

10) Learn how to cook a roast chicken by the grain

Take a roast chicken. Rub some of this fancy canned salt on it. Probably some olive oil. Quarter two lemons and slide them into the opening that was once his ass. A bit of thyme if you have one. Cook it for about an hour and a half to two hours. BÄM. You have just fried a chicken to the grain. The skin is crispy and the meat delicious. Turn it over and cut out the Pfaffenschnittchen. Eat one thigh like you were a caveman. Chop up some leftover breast meat and make Singapore noodles the next day. You just fried a chicken man! You are top!

11) Never let your battery run out

When you're in your early twenties, your unreliability, brand on the way-has-been-dragged-through-the-hedge, arriving-late-to-work, I-went-out-on-a-Thursday-and-went -Through a cool quality: you're the quirky main character in the teen movie of your life! You're like Zooey Deschanel when Zooey Deschanel woke up in a stranger's dorm room and brushed his teeth with his finger to make the asshole taste go away! You just ordered pizza to the office! You are so damned young!

But when you hit 25, bosses really lose their sense of humor when you turn up at 11 a.m. smelling of rimming and ouzo. Here's a tip: fully charge your phone before you go out in the evening. To do that, you'll need two chargers: one for home and one for work. This 10-euro investment with any cell phone man means that when you wake up with a huge skull - and you're, say, on a beach - you can send your excuse SMS to your boss, where-to- Hell-are-you can answer calls, answer your emails so your coworkers don't mistake you for a total wanker, and order a taxi to take you home for fresh pants and then drive straight to work . You are so 25 man! You still make the same irresponsible party decisions, but you're so in control!

12) Start fudging your past

By the time you hit 25, you will have done some things in your youth that will freeze you and blush with shame: You will have flown out of a bar. You will have seriously liked Evanescence. You will have a voluntary social year and a mud hut built and a photo of you gazing benevolently next to a bunch of starving children into your Tinder avatar. You will have been the last.

So start cutting out the bad parts. You know the guy who, every time you have a drink, reminds everyone how you couldn't do a push-up in physical education class back then? Let's get rid of him. Love letters you wrote as a teenager? Burn them. The voluntary social year? Delete it from your resume. All those hideous clothes that you got a little too big for two years ago, but that you just can't throw away because they remind you of your slim, risk-taking youth? Shoot them in the bloody sun

13) ... but also look back and laugh at your youth

You had an eyebrow ring once, damn shit. You were up until 4 a.m. writing a novel. You bought a crumbled stock cube because you thought it was hash. Dig out your old poetry notebook or your MySpace profile or something and laugh at the pathetic figure you used to be. Actually, it's a bloody miracle that you made it this far.

You, in all your glory. Photo: istolethetv | Flickr | CC BY 2.0

14) Realize that bulk purchases are cool

Under 25, most of my grocery shopping was a box of those supermarket biscuits and four cans of, uh, those baby sweetcorn things? Maybe a multipack of Bifi? I do not know. Do we need ketchup?

Open your eyes and see that bulk purchases are great. You know what the fridge looks like on Christmas Eve? You know how amazingly good the Christmas Eve fridge feels? This is the baby of a bulk shop. And you can have that at home every day if you just go to the supermarket once a week and get: a murderous heap of minced meat, a huge box of chicken, something reduced to freeze, vegetables, a large multipack of yogurt, a few noble tea bags that you have never tried before, toilet paper, a spice and frozen fries that you will forget to unpack and that will inevitably end up in the trash as a softened mass. A good bulk purchase can change your life. Until you bought three four-packs of tuna because "they're really cheap", you haven't really lived.

Even if you donate just a few pounds a month to a charity, you should start making the impact of your presence on earth a little less crappy than it has been for the past 25 years. For example: Cocaine destroys entire rainforest areas. Every time you flush the toilet, about eight liters of clean water is flushed away. Personally, you are worse than an old refrigerator full of aerosol cans, burning and strapped to a nuclear submarine, bobbing through the Niger Delta. Save a cat or something. Do volunteer work.Find a charity that actually interests you and find the best way to donate your money or time. You've spent 25 years being a selfish piece of shit, so now treat yourself to a new kind of happiness that can only be achieved by not being an asshole.

16) Start giving loose change to the homeless

The next time someone asks you for some change and you have some change, just give them the change, man. Don't think about what they're going to spend it on. Do not imagine the deterrent stories one hears, where the homeless idiots like you take euro for euro and then retire in their villa in Grenada. There is a person sitting on the sidewalk with a trembling dog because that person does not have a house with an armchair in which to sit instead. It costs about one euro to be decent to them for a moment.

17) Learning to live with someone

Wipe crumbs from surfaces, do the washing up immediately, direct the piss jet on the toilet itself and - as the office management probably had to warn you this week with a passive-aggressive email to the entire workforce -if you've shit in the toilet, flush it down.It's your shit. Who the hell are you that you don't feel obliged to wash down your own shit?

Do you have room for me on the clothesline? Photo: ho visto nina volare | Flickr | CC BY-SA 2.0

18) Start Doing Your Weird Sex Stuff Sober

Adolescent sex in the doorway is all well and good, but to this day it has probably been driven by the kind of adrenaline that only really sets in when you drink like you've been shot headfirst into the sea from a cannon. Sex over 25 is great: you know what you like, you know what you don't like, you know what you can get away with, you're really damn good at it, and you've accumulated enough bedding to relax on afterwards.

19) Take care of your body

That tiredness and lethargy that you feel all the time? There are vitamins that can help. That strange, clicking shoulder that you have? Somehow such a dull click makes the shoulder. Such a tapp. Show them to a doctor! Maybe you just need a really good massage, maybe you also have a rare, undiagnosed shoulder disease. A doctor can tell you that.

Because it turns out that Hulk Hogan was right when he said you should take your vitamins and then nothing can go wrong, and Mr. Motivator was right about the early morning workouts. In a way, wrinkled old men in jerseys are the smartest guys in the world. Which, in turn, makes it so strange that they willingly dress like sex offenders. In any case: get in shape, get a load of sleep, throw in a Centrum capsule every now and then. You will feel great.

20) Own a nice thing that you would save in a house fire

Before 25, my only possessions that would have been worth saving from a house fire were that one pair of good socks that have had a hole since then and maybe, uh, my passport or something? I do not know. My keys? Would I need my keys if my house burned down? I dont know. Now I have a really good set of knives. That would be me now: no socks, no passport, the house behind me is blazing, and I walk away smiling with my knives. (If I could only choose one, I would use the big knife.)

21) Find a job that you like

Obviously Europe is in tatters and most people are lucky if they even have a job, let alone one they like, but at 25 you practically don't really have a lot of responsibility and at the same time still have some of the "fuck it all, me." I'll be in Thailand for six months "- attitude that you once had. If you ever plan to change your job, or study something, or tick everything off and work as a freelancer, or emigrate to another country: now is the time pretty much the best time to do that.

22) Care about politics

Even if you're wrong - even if you think it's unlikely that Nigel Farage smells like all cigars ever smoked in a strip joint - it's good to pull yourself out of the fog of ignorance and, for example To see the news and understand some of it. You may have been interested in politics for years — if you've ever smoked a joint in a room with a Che Guevara poster, that counts — but especially when there are elections, you should hang out more.

It's actually really edifying to have an informed opinion about something, especially when you win a pub discussion just because you took the time to write an article in the Independent to read. So go read some newspapers. Get angry about things. Go to a demo if you think it has to be. Care about something.

Art. Photo by Klovovi | Flickr | CC BY 2.0

23) Stop trying to be your hero

Doing loads of drugs and staying up late and noticing things is not going to make you Hunter S. Thompson. Talking about feet really quickly doesn't make you Quentin Tarantino. Today you are a fully developed person. You are firmly on your course. Stop saving up on the exact same leather jacket Drake wears in the Fuckin 'Problems video.

You will start to get crazy about brunch. It's not an actual meal, but as your party nights get shorter and your hangovers longer, brunch starts to get crazy.

25) Accept what new comes of growing up

There's this whole theory that every cell in your body is renewed over the course of seven years: all of your bones, all of your veins, that weird bump on your forehead. It's half true, half false, but the comparison fits pretty well: you are a completely different person than that slender 18-year-old teenager that you once were, with that mop of hair, remember, your fresh, young eyes in the bright ones Blinking morning sun of hope.

Think of it this way: if you are 25 now, you were 18 when the first iPhone came out. Now just look at the iPhones! You were once an iPhone and today you are an iPhone 6! You now have a camera in the front and back! You can record video in slow motion! You're a lot wider than you used to be and, strangely enough, flatter too!

It's quite good, this change. You're a better person now than you were then, unless you've committed a series of murders or something. You are more complete, more mature and you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Chances are, you're wearing better jeans too. That's a reason to celebrate, isn't it? You are no longer young-young — you will never again be the person who invents new slang; no one will call you a child prodigy if you do something well, you are simply expected to be competent — but that's not a bad thing.

Many people fear old age: they will never do things for the first time again, fear that those irrepressible butterflies will never again flutter a storm in their stomachs, that they will disappear into mediocrity as their lives become one long visit to IKEA becomes.

But it's not like that: aging is about finding new things to love instead of desperately clinging to old things that you once loved. Don't become one of those bastards who sit in the muesli bar in their pajamas and talk about how much they love the old ones Ghostbusters miss.

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