Compare yourself to others

From a men's perspective: why you should stop comparing yourself to others

Our guest author is Chris Bloom, podcaster, mentor and coach in the field of mindfulness, self-love and authenticity. You can find him on Instagram and at He writes for us on topics such as vulnerability, mindfulness, authenticity, mindfulness and self-love - all from a man's point of view.

Social Media and the Lives of Others

Hand on heart - do you know that too? We rummage around on social media, look at all of the wonderful posts and catch ourselves comparing ourselves constantly. How many times have you thought, "My girlfriend's relationship looks happier than mine." Or "she has a better body than me"?

We tend to slide into the negative vortex of thought and wallow in it until we end up blaming the people in our lives for our supposedly unfortunate existence. Maybe even until we're alone.

What do you feel when you hold your cell phone in your hand again, scroll through social media and your usual, already familiar "I compare myself to everything that is not three on the tree program" runs? Somehow a depressing, empty or maybe burning feeling creeps in after closing the app, right?

Why we feel bad when we compare ourselves

But where does this feeling come from? It arises from a perceived lack, which grows from the gap between what IS now and the expectation you have of yourself. This feeling of having to meet expectations is made up of learned patterns, fears and obligations. Projections from our parents, society and the media play a role here. We strive for a "perfect" image that our society has identified as "good" or "normal".

However, sometimes you feel deep inside yourself that that can't be everything, right? More and more you come to the realization that the life that society imposes on you is not in harmony with you. It just doesn't feel right.

-> Also read:Stop it! Why some people are POISON to you & how you deal with them

The good news is: you're not the only person who feels this way!

I still remember comparing myself to my friends or feeling bad after closing my social media apps. Ultimately, I realized that I didn't even know what I enjoyed. Instead, I wanted to live someone else's life because I couldn't give myself what I needed. I wanted to feel about someone else.

So what to do It's important to understand that we tend to base our self-worth on how other people see us AND not how we see ourselves. But: "Nobody is perfect": There is no one in the world who can do everything perfectly. You are perfect by accepting and loving yourself for who you are. With all of your patterns, emotions, feelings and thoughts.

The following five paths are based on my own experiences that I have been able to gain over the past few years. When we live more freely, we feel more fulfilled and react (more) confidently to our outside world. We are happier.

5 ways you stop comparing yourself to others:

  • Define what happiness means to you and what really fulfills you. When we compare ourselves, we feel bad (er). Therefore define what happiness really means for you - for all areas: Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically and financially. If you do not define what happiness is for you, then you will ALWAYS choose other people as the standard of your projection. Even worse: You will always feel bad (er) because you don't have a self-image of your happiness, but chase after that of the outside world.
  • Gratitude. It is the most effective and easiest way to be happier in life. With gratitude we recognize the wealth in our lives. If you are grateful for at least five things every morning and evening, happiness and abundance can develop in your life. So ask yourself what you are grateful for. Maybe for the sun that shines in the morning or the warm shower that awaits you after a long day in the office. There are so many things to be thankful for.

-> Also read:Mortal Sin Envy: Why We Are Envious of Others & How To Get Out Of It

  • Appreciate your own strength. Our perception and our own comparison often limps. We keep comparing ourselves with people who are successful in a completely different area or who are much - much - further (in the sense of experience) than we are. If you know your own strengths, you can limit the comparison at this level or in this area.
  • Cooperation instead of competition. We often tend not to want to work with competitors. Basically, we tend to compare ourselves intensively with people with whom we are in competition. Maybe you've already caught yourself secretly comparing yourself to a friend? Any comparison creates a defect in you. Every moment you think you are in competition with her, your shortage increases. This lack in turn diminishes your love for you. Instead of comparing yourself, ask that same person if they would like to work with you. Or maybe you ask her what helped her get where you want to go. Compliment her.
  • What can I learn from this experience? With every experience in your life, ask yourself what you can learn from it. When we learn from our mistakes, we can consciously choose a different direction the next time things get complicated. If we don't learn, we won't be able to feel any differently. The comparisons will continue to sit on our necks and we will catch ourselves wearing ourselves down over time.

I hereby invite you to take some time for yourself and perhaps to try one or the other of the above-described paths for yourself. Ultimately, it is all in our own hands to change our lives. You make the choice for a full and happy life.

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Video by Aischa Butt

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