How does a narcissist react to humiliation

The narcissist dies lonely

On the guest post "Narcissistic people don't know who they really are" from June 23:

Since the narcissistic behavior correlates in essential characteristics with the traditional male role, this disorder is rather rare in women, so it is more a relic from the marriage of patriarchy than contemporary. In my practice I have seen numerous people being driven to despair by a narcissistic father, husband, colleague or boss.

First of all, those affected - adapted to the narcissist's specific expectations - look for the cause of the misery in themselves. Due to the low level of self-confidence, the narcissist is addicted to external confirmation. In the biographical background there is a lack of recognition or even violent humiliation by a dominant-authoritarian parent, mostly the father, often paired with adoration by the mother. Those affected learn early on that they can protect themselves from punishment through good behavior towards adults and, in order to compensate for the humiliation they have suffered, impress their peers with something special (such as a cheeky or courageous demeanor) and then become a leader.

The narcissist is the typical "Mister Important". Some office, chairmanship, a speaker role will be found for him. He likes himself best in the role of the savior. Accordingly, these men are often found in male helper professions. In the partnership, the narcissist prefers a gender stereotypical division of roles. He determines and leads, she makes herself and the apartment pretty for him.

He sees his wife and children as his property and proudly shows them and their achievements, which he authoritatively demands from them. What drives his fellow human beings - especially his own family - into despair are his mood swings. Just like the dear husband or father, a comment, a look, a gesture that he perceives as disapproval of his person can lead him from one second to the next to aggressiveness and even to raw physical violence.

With this and with his being offended, he creates pressure to adapt and a climate of tension. In general, he tends to have dramatic emotional outbursts, regardless of whether he loves, mourns or is offended. Self-criticism is alien to him, to blame - either stupid or incompetent - is always the other. Addicted to recognition, he buys expensive gifts, stages dramatic declarations of love that often ignore the wishes and interests of those who are so "spoiled".

Outwardly, he gains the reputation of a "good" husband ("what he does for his wife"), which makes it even more difficult for the partners to part with him. In his egocentricity, the narcissist is not able to Recognizing the real needs of his fellow human beings, he repeatedly crosses their boundaries, interferes everywhere, constantly evaluates, gives unsolicited advice and uses his knowledge for the best. He finds it difficult to recognize others.

For fear of his negative reaction, the narcissistic colleague, husband, father or boss rarely receives honest feedback. People whisper about him behind his back, conversations fall silent when he approaches, and he is often isolated. He believes that he has asserted himself, feels strengthened in his strategy and develops his problem behavior in the course of life. The narcissist likes to surround himself with people who are inferior to him or who are dependent on him. He rarely has real friends, love relationships fail. The narcissist dies lonely.