Why don't people connect

Meeting someone is wonderful, but connecting with them is magical

Last update: 09 October, 2017

Meeting one person is easy, we do that often, we meet dozens of people a day. But what is really magical is connecting with someone To unite soul and heart and discover how our worlds fit together, how galaxies open up where others only see puddles of rain, or how we smile at the same time and for the same reason.

Often we associate this attraction with something fantastic without understanding that life itself holds even more incredible, magical and even unknown things in store for us than any science fiction film. What happens between two people who are at the same time and place and who are attracted to each other?

"Friendship, that is one soul in two bodies; one heart in two souls. "


We're not just talking about falling in love we also speak of this unique connection that creates the strongest friendshipswho know neither time nor distance, but very much accomplices, pacts and that harmonious affection in which both care and sincere love.

We humans connect, like certain atoms, like the moon, with the water of the oceans, which causes the tides. Perhaps life is just like that and we should just allow this wonderful connection with certain people to take us to a certain goal in the course of our lives, which is part of the growth process in which we enable ourselves to learn, share, too to help and to be helped, and to leave an immortal emotional mark in the heart of the other.

The law of attraction in friendship

Elena and Sarah met at university. In the communication class, the professor showed a video of the Monty Pythonthat made the whole course laugh for a few seconds. But by the time most of the class was completely silent and focused on its task, Sarah was still laughing and just couldn't stop. When Elena heard her, she burst out laughing again. So began their friendship, a great friendship.

When talking about love relationships or friendship, it is often discussed what advantages this type of connection has for the partner, but only rarely is talked about its trigger, about the processes that create this accidental but so decisive magical connection to let.

A friendship conceals much more complex processes than those that make up the attraction in a partnership. There are a number of laws and psychological dynamics that we would now like to elaborate on.

The self discovery

A true friendship is not just about sharing common preferences, to have the same taste or values. Having fun while spending time together doesn't determine how strong and deep a friendship is either.

Experts in the field of social psychology know that there is one crucial point in whether a friendship lasts long or not: self-discovery. We humans need to share our worries, fears and thoughts with other people, to receive help, to feel this intimacy and this sometimes also therapeutic support: As soon as we tell someone something trustworthy and that person can keep the secret and we can rely on their help, the magic begins. If this friend opens his heart to us and also confides his own secrets to us, this magic will last forever.

The glue that connects us and the law of mirrors

As soon as we realize that we can trust this person, Let's initiate further processes that consolidate this powerful connection that arose from a random event. We are of course talking about emotional gifts such as loyalty, respect, unconditional support, recognition, honesty or the ability to mutually benefit our personal growth.

In this context, we want that too Mirror principle in a friendship mention. It is about something elementary as well as important at the same time: Connecting with someone means engaging with someone whose identity matches ours. This is someone who often acts like us, is a reflection of ourselves and thus sets an anchor that allows us to keep our balance. A good friend may be able to tell us, for example, that this choice we have made, or this person we have fallen in love with, does not fit in with our being or even makes us something that we really do not are.

Some would call this intuition or sixth sense, but our brains usually know very well who to connect with best, Who we should have a coffee with to put our grief off our minds and who a cup of hot chocolate with that smells of hope; whom we should avoid better and whom we should slam the door on in order to distance themselves from a possible friendship that is only based on the interests of the other person.

Our brains like solid and long-lasting friendships, and for a reason: They help us survive, they make our everyday lives more meaningful. This satisfactory compound is effective medicine for stress, the balm that lowers cortisol levels and releases dopamine and serotonin to keep us happy.

We should let chance guide us and enable life to interact with these special people, that make our world more beautiful, warmer and more interesting, to connect in a magical way.

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Images courtesy of Jerry LoFaro and Claudia Tremblay