How do you rate your self worth

Know your worth: How to strengthen your self-worth

Many people, in one way or another, struggle with low self-esteem and suffer from treating themselves like an enemy. Ragnhild Struss explains how a healthy self-worth is measured and how you can train it sustainably.

Do you tend to attribute mistakes and failures to a lack of skill or motivation in yourself? Do you find it difficult to accept positive feedback because you contradict it internally? Do you feel bad or guilty for days after an argument? And do you regularly put your own needs back in order not to "annoy" others and not to gamble away their sympathy? Then your self-esteem could definitely use an upgrade! In this article you will learn what the term self-worth actually stands for, what characterizes a healthy self-esteem, and which tips and exercises you can use to cultivate this positive attitude towards yourself.

Self-worth, self-confidence, self-confidence - what's the difference?

As Self worth, also self-esteem, self-esteem or self-esteem, psychologists describe the evaluation of oneself. You can ascribe yourself a low to high value as if on a continuum. Self-confidence on the other hand, describes the recognition of one's own personality in a rather neutral way, i.e. how aware a person is about their characteristics, strengths, talents, values ​​and goals. Finally there is the concept of Self-confidence demarcate: This is the sub-component of self-worth that relates to an individual's beliefs about competency, i.e. how much confidence or reliance they feel about their own abilities.

Whether or not we have healthy self-esteem can be easily determined by ours Dealing with mistakes read off. Imagine a serious mishap happens to you in your job - for example, you have forgotten the crucial documents for an important customer presentation. How do you react? Those who apologize too often, describe themselves as “stupid” or “incompetent” - pronounced out loud or in their own head - and cannot forgive themselves for the mishap even days later, their self-esteem is rather low. Every mistake made then shakes the image of oneself, immediately worsens feelings and thoughts about one's own identity - the person as a whole - instead of locating the mistake on a behavioral level. But the other extreme is also unfavorable: people with a narcissistic touch might want to play down their faux pas or blame others - their supposedly self-confident demeanor is only an overcompensation for deep-seated complexes. The middle ground is the healthiest: Honestly admit the mistake, sincerely and appropriately apologize for it, learn from it for the future and best communicate how you intend to do it - and then let go of the whole thing mentally and emotionally without affecting yourself on the level of your own worth as a person to mangle yourself.

Why having healthy self-esteem is important

According to the psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who has dealt intensively with self-worth as a research subject, almost all psychological problems can be traced back to a low self-esteem. This is obvious, because those who do not feel themselves to be valuable tend to accept bad treatment from others, do not do enough for themselves, do not trust themselves enough and therefore miss many opportunities and can be less happy and less happy on this basis feel satisfied. In addition, a low self-esteem often triggers a self-fulfilling prophecy: By radiating to others that you do not consider yourself valuable, according to the principle of resonance you unfortunately attract people and situations who “confirm” this to you. The good news is: it works the other way round too. In other words, the more positively you think about yourself, the more positive the experiences you will have. This is mainly due to the fact that one unconsciously tries to confirm one's self-image when dealing with the outside world. Your level of self-esteem forms the basis of your happiness in life. What is it called so often in Instagram posts? Read that again: Your level of self-esteem forms the basis of your happiness in life! Fortunately, good self-esteem can be trained in a targeted manner.

1. Focus on the positive

Just observe how you look at yourself and your life in everyday life and comment on it inwardly: If your too big nose annoys you, you worry that the acquaintance of an acquaintance recently found you unsympathetic at the party and you are embarrassed how badly did you do bowling with your colleagues? Or are you happy about your naturally full head of hair, do you feel touched by a compliment from a good friend and are you proud of your organizational skills? Depending on what you focus on, the glass of your self-worth is half empty or half full - make a conscious decision for the latter! It is best to train yourself this Change your attention to the positive with written support on: Keep everything that makes you feel good about yourself in one Success and praise diary firmly. This can include nice compliments, situations in which you felt successful, confident, and happy, and anything else that increases your self-worth. Our thoughts control our feelings. The more times you think positively about yourself, the better you will feel. That's why a loving, benevolent and generous inner dialogue extremely important (more on this in our article on self-compassion). And if you catch yourself in everyday life, how your inner critic is beating you down, then hold against it: If he comments “You are really so scheduled, now you have already forgotten an important appointment! Impossible! ”Then reply,“ I am lovable, have different qualities and do not need to hide. For my self-organization, I try to have a reminder function with a ringtone. My worth as a person is inviolable and independent of it. ”Try to really use these exercises and you will be amazed how your self-worth increases in a very short time.

2. Compare yourself fairly

It is often poison for our self-esteem, and yet we do it again and again: social comparisons of ourselves with others. In particular, the optimized self-portrayal on Instagram and Co. encourages people to perceive their own life - together with skills, attractiveness and other aspects - as inferior in contrast to the successful influencer. It would be best to avoid any comparisons completely and not even judging one's own value (or that of others) on the basis of performance, appearance, status or the like. If you don't quite succeed - no wonder, since comparative rating systems are the norm in many areas of society - you should at least make fair and realistic comparisons: For example, anyone who evaluates their attractiveness using Gisele Bündchen's yardstick and their intelligence using that of Albert Einstein is looking for themselves People who are known around the world for their above-average “performance” in precisely these areas. You could compare your looks or your thinking skills to countless other people - instead of "failing miserably" against the world's best. It is also unfair to focus on the current situation and only on one quality: You are annoyed that you cannot play the piano as well as a friend of yours. On the one hand, have you put as much time and work into practicing as he does? And is your friend superior to you due to his (in your perception) better piano playing "all along the line" - or are there things that are easier for you than him? We all have a lot of facets that only exist once in the world in this combination. Make this clear to yourself before you pick out individual aspects of yourself and put them to the test.

3. Set yourself apart and take your own needs seriously

People with a high level of social intelligence know the dilemma of having to find a balance between the (supposed) expectations of others and your own wishes. You had been looking forward to finally starting the YouTube yoga series that evening - but then your best friend needs you again to proofread the seminar paper, and you discard your original plans. An exciting position is advertised internally in your company that is made for you - but you know how much your colleague would like it and you give him priority by not even applying. The boundaries between empathy and relationship-promoting flexibility and giving up on one's own needs and even personality are fluid and will certainly be rated differently by everyone. While some people say “My way or the highway” and they naturally set the tone, some like to let others take the lead. But be sure not to let yourself “come up short”! Try to look at it like this: The wishes and sensitivities of other people are important, but just as important - and sometimes even more important - are your own needs! Willingly dismissing your own preferences, pause for a moment to empathize. Do you really have the time, inclination and energy to respond to the other person - or should you decide in favor of your wellbeing? You can also make sure that the scales are balanced over time: The last few times did your buddy determine the cinema program? Then it is definitely your turn to make decisions! This is an extremely important basis for a healthy self-esteem: Not only the others and their expectations are important and valuable, but you too are “worth it” that others follow you or that you allow yourself a break. Mindfulness practices such as meditation or regular journaling help to focus inward in this way (see our article on journaling).

4. Feeling comfortable in your own body

A good self-esteem relates not only to the emotional-psychological level, but also to our body feeling. Because this influences our mental well-being reciprocally: Physical sensations always lead to certain emotions, while positive mood can have a healing effect on our physical health. We can use this connection and Strengthen our self-worth specifically through our physical well-being. For an instantly noticeable effect, take a deep breath, straighten your spine, pull your shoulders back, and stand or sit upright. Smile for no reason either - this sends a positive signal to your brain and can be effective in lightening your mood. Also take care of it healthy everyday routines good for yourself: Eat nutrient-dense, low-processed food as often as possible and take your time to cook. Wear clothes that you really feel comfortable in. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and schedule time for it on a regular basis. Treat yourself to physical relaxation in the form of baths, massages, sauna visits - depending on what is particularly good for you personally. Your body is the place where your soul resides. So give him enough love and attention.

5. Accepting yourself and treating yourself like the person you love most

In order to make it clear to ourselves how we should actually treat ourselves, think about ourselves and talk to ourselves (in our inner dialogue), we only need to ask ourselves the following question: How would I deal with the person I love most in this situation? That puts everything in perspective, because basically YOU should be that person! However, since this is difficult for many, the question helps as a bridge to find an appropriate response. Imagine the example mentioned at the beginning again: You make a mistake and in your head the inner critic may already start to curse you and finish you off. However, if the person you love most made a mistake, your reaction would be much more understanding: “Not that bad, it can happen. We will find a solution. You can do better next time. ”It is very important that you get one of these benevolent, tolerant and empathetic treatment of yourself train! Because excessive perfectionism and ideals that are too high, which can never be achieved, undermine your self-esteem in the long term (more on this point in our article on self-compassion).

6. Be responsible to others

We humans are social beings through and through. So it stands to reason that the quality of our interpersonal relationships is an important factor in our self-esteem. Take responsibility and be cooperative and helpful towards other people - this not only makes others feel good, but also increases your positive attitude towards yourself. People with low self-esteem sometimes have a tendency to withdraw from their relationships - be it out of fear of rejection or out of the belief that they cannot contribute anything meaningful anyway. This can lead to a downward spiral of isolation. Believe other people when they let you know that you would like them to participate in activities, or that they appreciate your advice, help, or simply your presence! Only if you show yourself in your social relationships can you gain positive shared experiences with others - which in turn have a positive effect on your self-esteem in the interpersonal area.

It pays to stay tuned

Low self-esteem is usually shaped by early childhood and adolescent experiences and of course cannot be completely changed overnight. Often the convictions that one is worth less than others sit very deep and have become firmly anchored in the back of our heads as beliefs that are no longer questioned. So be patient with yourself and take your time! Just as your current attitude towards yourself has developed and ground in over many years, it now takes a while before a new, more positive feeling can set in. Above all, it is important that you work continuously and actively on it and nurture your self-worth like a delicate plant. Then over time you will see the beautiful tree grow, which was already laid out inside you from the beginning.

The most important basis for professional success and personal satisfaction is a lifestyle that is in harmony with your personality. Knowing them is the first step. With our free Trial test we offer you the opportunity to walk it and get a first glimpse of yourself.