How you feel when you are single
9 things to remember when you're sad about being single
Relationships are work and can be challenging. However, being single isn't that much easier, as we live in a society that always makes you believe that without a partner, you're missing something important.
It's especially difficult when you see perfect Instagram couples in front of your eyes all the time.
It's understandable that you're tired of being single. Too often you are the third wheel on the car. Too often you have to justify yourself to grandma and other relatives for the fact that you still haven't caught anyone.
Everywhere you look you are constantly reminded that you are alone.
Worse, we feel ashamed to believe that we can't be truly happy if we don't have a partner to share everything with.
True, there is so much joy when you have someone to share your life with. To be honest, there is nothing like it. And it wouldn't be so bad to have someone to watch Netflix with, either. But being single shouldn't stop you from being happy and having a great time alone.
Here are 9 things to remember if you are feeling particularly down about your relationship status.
1. There's a reason you're single
You may not realize it, but there is probably a reason you're single. And no, it's not because you didn't follow the Cosmopolitan Ten Steps to find the "one".
The reason for this is likely that you need to work on yourself first. It can be anything from building your career to discovering your passions to just discovering yourself.
Maybe there is an underlying problem that you cannot solve.
Have you used relationships to make up for something? It's almost ironic, but there are some things that you only discover when you are alone.
So take this moment to seek clarity about what you are really looking for in the moment. So that when the right person comes, you are as ready and open-minded as you can be.
2. Don't become a pessimist
All of your recent romantic adventures have convinced you that no one will ever treat you right. Your last date went terribly wrong. And you've been hosted way too many times, it's almost paranormal.
You have a reason to be careful. That is a good thing. You are more careful, you will see the signs more clearly and make better decisions.
But don't let your past make you a pessimist. There are still good people out there!
3. Trust that things will get better at some point
Your attitude towards being single can influence so many things. Are you going to mop up and act so gloomy because you don't have that special someone? Or will you still live your best life?
It's normal to have days when you're too lonely to eat a whole pack of ice cream by yourself. Indeed, it is important to enjoy these days. Know that there will be days like this.
But it won't happen every day. Things will get better at some point.
In the meantime, instead of wasting your energy on the fact that you are single, try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. On this path, it is important to maintain a positive mindset.
4. You should date yourself
Doing yourself is not overrated.
In all honesty, it's the best form of self-care you can ever do. It's amazing how much your perception can change when you turn this switch on.
Instead of emphasizing that you're single by 30, why not celebrate the aspects of your life that have nothing to do with dating? Why would you allow other people, swiping your profile left or right, to define your self-worth and add to your inferiority complex?
Don't wait for the perfect date. Be the perfect date. Treat yourself to a meal in your favorite restaurant. Go to this romantic getaway alone.
Use all of your free time to take care of yourself. Sign up for a gym. Take long hikes. Spend time with loved ones.
Don't waste your time looking for the perfect date. Work on making yourself the kind of person you want yourself to be.
You don't need another person to “complete” yourself. You are complete as you are. And you are awesome too! You in particular should recognize that.
Most of all, you need to be able to love yourself the way you want a partner to love you.
5. It's okay to have high standards
"You're single because you have such high standards."
You probably hear this a lot. And you probably thought that was exactly why you were single. But to be honest, it actually prevents you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
Never date someone just because you don't want to be alone. You'll be stuck in a midlife crisis at 40, married to someone you're not really compatible with, and stuck because you have kids.
So many people these days "settle down" thinking that being single is worse.
But would you really rather stay with the wrong person than take the time to find someone with whom you have much better chances with?
After all that, it is also important to realize that there is no such thing as a “perfect” person for you. That person doesn't exist. But someone out there can make you happy, can become your life partner, and can be anything you never thought necessary.
Don't have too high expectations. Nobody is going to meet all of the requirements on your checklist, but there is someone out there who will get close to it.
6. Learn to cope on your own
There is a difference between "loneliness" and "being alone".
The first is a state of mind while the second is a state of being.
Loneliness seeps over you in a few moments. It's 3 a.m. and you lie awake in bed missing the feeling of someone else next to you. It's natural to feel lonely from time to time. The difference is trying to be okay with being alone.
It's about thriving in this state of loneliness and realizing that you don't have to be lonely. This is how you learn to love your own company.
You don't miss a thing! But you are missing out on the opportunity to live your life if you focus too much on your loneliness.
7. Surround yourself with the right people
This not only applies to singles, but is also crucial for all of life.
The quality of the people around you shapes who you are. They affect how you look at things, how you react, and how you think.
Make sure you are surrounded by people who will support you and build you up. The right friends will make these challenging times a lot easier and funnier if you let them.
There is also nothing wrong with excluding toxic people from your life. It is during this time, more important than ever, that you have the kind of people around you who will make your life better, not worse.
8. Be patient
Yes, it's easier said than done. But good things come to those who wait. And better things come to those who wait patiently.
Trust that when the time is right and when all the pieces fit together, you will find "The One".
For now, don't make the mistake of looking for the wrong things. The only thing you do is keep yourself from seeing the right thing when it finally shows up.
Focus on what you ultimately want and ignore anything else that falls short.
9. In the meantime: take a deep breath
You're too hard on yourself. Let it be good.
Let go of all the expectations that weigh you down. Everything will be what you need and what you long for will come to you sooner or later.
It may not be what you expected and it doesn't play out like the movies do, but it will happen. If you believe that yourself, you are already paving the way for it to find you.
In the meantime, work on becoming the best version of yourself. Be someone who doesn't need anyone to feel whole.
Realize that your next love will not complete your life.
Instead, it will just add another beautiful layer to the amazing life you have already built for yourself.
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